He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
