Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
