I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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