member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
