sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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