I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
try to milk me bitch
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