i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
