Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
