He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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