Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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