there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
