Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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