the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
