as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
