She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
