RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
