I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
