It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
