a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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