have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
