I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm always down for nudity.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
