I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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