dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
