and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
