is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
