OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
