this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize