I could make wine with my vomit
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
