Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
