i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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