Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
