I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize