Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I look better un-naked...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
