you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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