happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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