ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
