I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Semen is not good for contacts.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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