I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
