Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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