why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
