So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
