whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize