It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
