The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
