My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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