Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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