dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
