Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
