So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
