Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
