dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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