if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize