I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
