dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
