maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
