I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
