genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
