Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"

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(310): View more from California

Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?

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(630): View more from Illinois

Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.

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(408): View more from California

i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Green mimosas i think yes

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(904): View more from Florida

I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.

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(646): View more from New York

We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.

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(417): View more from Missouri

How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....

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