She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
