i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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