it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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