Tell her she can't have a vagina
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
