Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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