How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
