this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
