I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
