Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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