thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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