Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
