apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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