I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
