You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
