I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize