Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
