The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
